Forgiveness & Reconciliation: Parishioner Reflections on the Jubilee

Of course, it is I who change...

Forgiveness is sometimes an extreme challenge for me. Reconciliation seems like a natural follow-on to forgiveness, but forgiveness is so hard!

I have read that the challenge is really to my ego, pride, or some other presumably unnecessary inhabitant of my mind, and at times (though never when I am feeling angry with someone) I even believe that. However, there have been too many times when my sense of hurt feels so real and so justified, that I cannot picture myself ever speaking civilly to my offender, let alone forgiving him or her.

A few years ago, however, through my Gathering group, I began to practice a (so far) failsafe method of getting started on the road to forgiveness - prayer - that is, praying specifically for the offender. The Gathering members all agreed that we had never really tried to do that - because it was so difficult. We also agreed that we would try harder the next time.

That technique has changed my life. It is true that when I pray, something changes. Of course, it is I who change, and, of course, what I really want is for the other person to change. However, when I change, the atmosphere changes, personal dynamics change and, in time, the other person has a better chance of changing.

What really matters to me, though, is that I feel better. Thus, my energy is spent in a helpful (prayer) action, rather than a hurtful (stewing/sulking) action.

Prayer:
Dear Lord, help me to recognize when I am holding on to resentments. Help me to learn to pray for people I think have treated me badly.
 
"Dear Lord, please be with (name of person). Help him/her to feel your love and know that you are there for him/her."

Mary Jean Davidge

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